Finding a therapist isn’t just about having a space to vent. Successful therapy requires a sense of safety and a genuine human connection. Do you feel at ease with your therapist? Can you be yourself without hesitation? Are you and your therapist aligned on your goals?
Like any healthy interpersonal relationship, therapy works best when you feel comfortable expressing yourself. However, in a therapeutic setting, this comfort is even more crucial—after all, you’re sharing some of the most vulnerable parts of yourself.
That doesn’t mean that finding the right therapist requires you to feel completely comfortable diving into everything in your first session (though if you do, that’s great). Building trust and safety - especially when you are discussing sensitive topics - takes time, and the therapeutic relationship is no different. However, when searching for a therapist, there are key factors to consider that can help you determine how likely you are to establish that trust throughout your journey.
In therapy, we often talk about building rapport—but what does that really mean, and how do we achieve it? The American Psychological Association defines rapport as “a warm, relaxed relationship of mutual understanding, acceptance, and sympathetic compatibility between or among individuals.”
While rapport may look different for each person, it’s key to creating a safe and effective therapy space. Therapists use various techniques to foster this, but your unique needs and preferences matter, too. As you look for a therapist, consider not just their credentials, but how their style aligns with what makes you feel safe, heard, and understood. This can help you assess whether the fit feels right.
The therapeutic relationship is one of the most important elements of effective therapy—it forms the foundation of the entire therapeutic journey. Just like in any meaningful relationship, opening up about personal and vulnerable experiences requires a sense of trust and safety. This is especially true in therapy, where that sense of safety is essential.
For some, the ‘feel’ of the therapeutic relationship feels immediate and for others they need some time to fully assess. It’s not realistic to fully understand the quality of a therapeutic relationship based on a 15-minute consultation. However, there are some helpful indicators to pay attention to in the early stages—particularly in your first few sessions—that can help you evaluate whether the relationship feels like a good fit:
As you continue in therapy, there are various factors that influence your journey, but comfortability with your therapist remains a constant throughout. Early impressions can offer valuable insights into whether you feel safe, understood, and supported—key ingredients for building a strong therapeutic alliance.
While scheduling may seem like a practical detail, scheduling is a key part of successful therapy. Your therapist’s availability should align with your schedule in a way that supports consistency over time. Having to schedule an appointment at a time that requires you to rework your schedule might be manageable on occasion, but long-term progress depends on having sessions at a frequency and time that work for you.
If you’re already navigating challenges that impact your energy, mood, sleep, or daily functioning, it’s worth considering how your appointment time might either support or strain your routine. For instance, if mornings are especially difficult for you, and you are struggling with sleep difficulties, regularly scheduled early sessions may not be the most sustainable option. Although you may connect with a therapist and think you can make it work, really consider the long-term commitment of scheduling.
Choosing a therapist whose availability supports your real-life needs can enhance your ability to stay engaged and get the most out of the therapeutic process.
Not all therapists practice the same and each therapist has their own unique style. This can leave clients feeling like ‘therapy isn’t for me’. Therapy is complex and there are many different approaches and specializations that build a therapist tool kit. Think about building a house - there are some standard foundational items that every carpenter will implement, but the type of foundation they build, the way they design the house, and their build plan will all look different. If you walk into a house and don’t like it, it doesn’t mean houses aren’t for you - it means that particular build and structure wouldn’t suit you. The same is true for therapy
Therapists may differ in several key areas:
Just like we all have different needs and learning styles, certain approaches might not work for us while others might really resonate. You don’t have to figure all of this out on your own. Therapists are familiar with their own styles and are usually happy to explain how they work. The style and approach a therapist uses can impact your engagement and receptiveness.
You can ask about their approach, session structure, and areas of focus during a consultation or early in the process. It’s also important to share what you need. Most therapists can adapt their style to some degree, but they can only do so if they know what’s working—or not. If you're unsure what approach suits you, that’s okay. It’s common to speak with a few therapists before finding the right fit—just like you might tour a few homes before choosing one. And if you do have a sense of what works for you, name it.
A therapist is, first and foremost, a person—with their own personality, communication style, and way of relating. While they operate within a professional role, aspects of who they are naturally come through in the therapeutic relationship. Just like in any other relationship, we don’t always "click" with everyone we meet—and that’s okay. This is where a consultation or first session can be helpful: it allows you to get a sense of whether there's alignment, ease, or a natural rapport.
A therapist’s personality and ability to connect meaningfully with clients can influence the overall experience of therapy, including how well challenges are navigated(4), as therapeutic ruptures can happen when discussing complex topics.
Therapy involves talking about vulnerable and challenging topics, and so it is important that you like the person you are doing this work with. If, after a few sessions, you find that you consistently are not clicking with your therapist, it’s okay to consider whether the fit is right for you. A strong therapeutic relationship is foundational, and finding someone whose style and personality align with yours can impact the overall process (4).
In any relationship—even a simple conversation—shared experiences can foster mutual understanding. While it's not necessary for you and your therapist to have lived through the same events, feeling that your therapist is relatable or that there is some overlap in experiences can help build a sense of trust and connection. This might include similarities in culture, age, gender, or significant life experiences (i.e. being a parent).
Sharing mutual experiences or aspects of identity does not mean your therapist is going to understand everything - you are still unique, but for individuals who may feel isolated or fearful of being vulnerable, establishing some level of understanding through relatability or shared experiences might be helpful. Social identification or mutual understanding based on similarity can strengthen the therapeutic alliance (2).
Similar to style and practice approaches, the types of therapy that therapists use can differ. Think about it like going to a doctor’s office and describing that you’ve been experiencing pain—some doctors might refer you to physiotherapy, others might prescribe medicine A, while another might recommend medicine B. The same is true for therapists: each may use a different therapeutic modality, meaning the interventions and techniques they use may vary.
Your response to therapy can depend on the approach your therapist takes. It can be helpful to ask your therapist to explain the modality they use, how it works, and what you would need to do to engage with it. Modalities and interventions are often not fully integrated right at the beginning of therapy, so having this conversation early on can give you a better understanding of what to expect and how to participate in the process.
While finding the right therapist can feel daunting at times, it is doable—with the right questions, a bit of patience in the process, and by using some helpful guidelines. Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all process, and you're entering into a working relationship that also holds space for therapeutic and relational elements. The RAPPORT elements outlined above are intended to serve as guiding considerations when choosing a therapist. It may take a few conversations or sessions to truly get a sense of whether the fit is right. Be patient with yourself in the process, pay attention to how rapport is developing, and don’t hesitate to ask questions along the way.
- Facing mental health challenges? Layla is here to help - Individuals, couples, and families use Layla for personalized, convenient therapy. Layla matches you to a suitable therapist and manage the therapy process in a warm, dependable manner, supporting you on your journey to better health. Learn more here
- New to therapy? Here's your beginner guide - Starting therapy can evoke feelings of vulnerability, but knowing what to expect can help. The journey is individualized, with no exact right or wrong way. During the first session, typically administrative matters are discussed, goals are set, and you and your therapist will get to know each other. Fit between you and you therapist is very important for your outcomes, and it's okay to switch if the fit isn't right. Therapy is adjusted to your timeline and constraints, and can range from weekly to monthly sessions. Reflecting on what you wish to accomplish can guide the process.
Disclaimer: The content on this blog is for informational purposes only and should not be considered healthcare or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Consult with a healthcare professional for appropriate support
