Seeing a therapist for the first time isn’t always easy. There are many factors that can influence our comfort in talking about emotions, and expressing ourselves in this way can be challenging. Therapy requires honesty and vulnerability, which can naturally make us feel nervous and evoke strong emotions. However, it helps to know that therapy comes in different forms and approaches. Finding the right fit for you is essential, as therapy is a highly individualized process. Your needs and preferences will shape your experience. Here are some things to consider as you take your first steps.

Reflect on Why You’re Starting Therapy

Before your first session, take some time to reflect on why you decided to start therapy. It’s okay if you don’t have a clear answer yet, but having a starting point or an idea of what you want to work on will help your therapist determine if they’re the right fit for you. It will also guide how the two of you can ensure the therapy process aligns with your goals.

Consider these questions to help you identify your ‘why’ for starting therapy:

• When did I start seriously considering therapy?

• Was there an event or stressor that prompted this?

• When I imagine therapy sessions, what do I picture discussing with my therapist?

If therapy could help me, what would I be doing differently, or what might change in my daily life? If you find it hard to articulate your challenges, this article may also be helpful.

Setting Expectations for the First Session

Your first session is typically different from future sessions because your therapist will need more time to get to know you and ensure you’re informed about the therapy process. While every therapist’s approach varies slightly, you can generally expect the following during your first session:

• - Review of Administrative Information: Your therapist will go over important details like confidentiality, cancellation policies, and other relevant guidelines. You may also be asked to review documents, such as a consent form.

• - Introduction to the Therapist’s Approach: Your therapist will likely explain their therapeutic approach and outline what you can expect from this session and the therapy process in general.

• - Getting to Know You: During the first session (or first few sessions), your therapist will ask more detailed questions to get to know you better. This might include:

• - Questions about your history, such as your relationships, childhood, career, education, or other significant life events.

• - Reviewing a list of symptoms and discussing any specific symptoms related to your mood or other mental health concerns.

• - Exploring what brought you to therapy and what’s currently happening in your life.

• Inquiring about your goals for therapy and understanding what you hope to gain from the process.

Remember, the first session is primarily a ‘getting to know you’ period, which may extend over several sessions for some clients. You’re encouraged to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. This initial session lays the foundation for your therapeutic journey, and it’s perfectly okay—even encouraged—to let your therapist know if you’re not ready to discuss certain topics.

After the first session, take a moment to check in with yourself and reflect on how you feel. Consider how the session went, what your expectations were, and whether they were met. It’s normal to feel exhausted or feel like there’s still more background and context to share—that’s perfectly okay. Allow yourself some time after your session to unwind and process any emotions that may have come up. Remember, the therapeutic process takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself as you continue this journey.

How and when do you know if your therapist is a good fit for you?

There’s no definitive timeline for determining whether you and your therapist are a good match. In the first few therapy sessions, it’s helpful to ask questions or share feedback with your therapist if things aren’t moving in the direction you’d like. Initiating feedback discussions with phrases like, “I wish we talked more about…,” “When will we work on…,” or simply asking what to expect in upcoming sessions can help you assess whether this therapist is the right fit for you. Additionally, the interpersonal fit is very important—how comfortable you feel with your therapist can significantly influence your experience.

Here are some guiding questions to ask yourself after the first few sessions to help determine if your therapist is right for you:

• - Do you feel comfortable opening up to them?

• - Do you find they are easy to talk to?

• - Are you moving at a pace in therapy that feels comfortable for you?

• - Are you moving at a pace in therapy that feels comfortable for you? Do you walk away from sessions feeling you have gained something (even if the session felt challenging)?

• - Does your therapist understand your life circumstances?

• - Do you feel like your therapist makes a sincere effort to understand you? 

• - Do they seem knowledgeable and competent? 

• - Have you gained a few skills or insights that are helping you to build understanding? 

• - Do you feel you have the space to ask questions and provide feedback? 

Remember, each therapist comes with different skill sets, knowledge, and background. Not every therapist will be the right fit for every individual. Sometimes finding the right therapist takes time, while other times, people connect with their therapist right away. Each person’s journey is unique, and needing to find a new therapist doesn’t reflect on therapy in general—sometimes, it’s simply part of the process. Learn more about assessing therapeutic fit here.

‍At Layla, we will support you through the process of getting rematched if you aren’t happy with your first match and your dedicated care coordinator will factor your experience into consideration while making a new match.

How Long Should I Expect to be in Therapy?

’The time spent in therapy sessions is highly individualized, and working with your therapist to address your preferences and needs is key. Early in therapy, you may meet with your therapist more frequently to address your primary concerns. As you progress and begin to meet some of the goals you originally sought therapy to address, you might find that your sessions can be spaced out to longer intervals, allowing you time to practice your skills between meetings. Alternatively, you may choose to continue meeting frequently to work on new areas or to delve deeper into your initial goals.

Every individual’s therapy journey is unique, and there’s no set timeline for how long it will take to see results. Healing and personal growth take time, so it’s important to be patient with yourself. However, if you feel that a significant amount of time has passed without noticeable progress, it’s important to bring this up to your therapist. Your therapist should work with you to establish realistic goals and help you progress at a pace that feels right for you.

Learn more about what makes therapy work here.

Your Role in Therapy

Therapy is a collaborative effort between a client and a therapist. Certain actions can enhance your therapy experience, while others may hinder your progress. Here are some key points to reflect on to help create a positive therapy experience:

‍Positive Actions for Therapy:

• - Be Open and Honest: Share your thoughts and feelings openly with your therapist. Honesty is essential for understanding and effectively addressing your concerns. It is important to remember this journey is about you and your therapist cannot effectively support you if they don’t have insight into what you are thinking and feeling.

• - Set Clear Goals and Follow Through: Work with your therapist to establish clear and achievable goals that will guide your therapy process. Remember, therapy is a collaborative effort, so be proactive in your healing by applying the strategies discussed in sessions to your daily life.

• - Ask Questions & Provide Feedback: It's important to ask your therapist questions if you need clarification or don’t fully understand something. Gaining a clear understanding of the therapeutic process is essential. Additionally, offering feedback on how you feel about your sessions can help steer the therapy in a direction that best supports your needs.

• - Maintain Consistency: Attend sessions regularly and stay consistent with your appointments. Consistency plays a significant role in making progress in therapy.

• - Practice Self-Care: Outside of therapy, prioritize your physical and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and reduce stress.

• - Stay Open to the Process: Understand that progress in therapy may not always be linear. Healing takes time. If you encounter challenges or doubts in therapy, try to stay open and address them with your therapist. Discuss your concerns to explore possible solutions or adjustments. It’s also important to ensure that you feel comfortable with your therapist, so don’t hesitate to seek a better fit if needed. 

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  Common Therapy Hurdles:

  - Rushing Progress or Comparing Yourself: Therapy is a non-linear process, and meaningful change takes time. It’s important not to expect immediate solutions to complex issues. Additionally, try to avoid comparing your progress to others, as each person’s therapy journey is unique and unfolds at its own pace.

• - Hiding Important Information: It’s important to disclose relevant information to your therapist (at a pace that feels right for you), even when it’s hard to share. Therapists are there to help and support you.

• - Relying Solely on Therapy Sessions: While therapy sessions are valuable in facilitating your well-being journey, caring for your well-being is an ongoing process that must continue outside of those sessions. This involves applying the strategies you’ve learned in therapy to your daily life, nurturing your relationships, and implementing additional well-being practices that align with your goals.

• - Don’t Give Up Easily: If you face challenges or doubts in therapy, don’t give up prematurely. Discuss your concerns with your therapist to explore possible solutions or adjustments. Additionally, don’t stick with a therapist you don’t feel comfortable with.